Storm in a teacup

Storm in a teacup

A couple of weeks ago, a commotion appeared in the What'sApp chat created for the parents of my son's class. Apparently, one of the mothers accidentally made her son wear the wrong attire. The form teacher of the class then proceeded to call the boy 'blind' for paying scant attention to the notices sent out. The word 'blind' made the mother very upset. Some parents immediately jumped on the bandwagon and said that they will complain about the teacher. A few of us did try to ask our sons if any of them heard the form teacher call him 'blind'. Only one boy actually said that he heard it while the rest said that they did not. Despite the lack of overwhelming evidence, one parent even said that the principal must be notified!

I was quite disturbed by this exchange. I even switched off my phone for a while.

One of the lessons I have learnt as a teacher is never to believe totally what your child says. It is not because your child is untrustworthy. Do not get me wrong. Many children do not lie; they just do not have full knowledge of the entire situation. It is always wise to talk to the other party (the teacher) to understand the whole situation before jumping in, all guns blazing and blaming the other party. Your child could also be at fault.

Another thing I could not accept was the idea that the complaint be made to the principal directly. In my mind, there is no difference between this and backstabbing. Why do you need to go talk to a higher authority before first trying to confront the teacher? When I was still working as a teacher, I heard from many principals that that many parents do not just complain to the principal, but complain directly to the Ministry of Education (MOE) as well. But you know what? MOE is not sure what is happening and will task the principal to investigate. In other words, the parent probably ends up talking to the principal. And the principal will ask the teacher to join in as well. It will still end up with a discussion between the parent and the teacher!

In the later part of that week, I spoke to an old classmate of mine whose son was in the neighbouring class. He laughed and said that he calls his son blind quite often when his son misses something obvious. His words made me realise that I had called my son blind or something to the effect before.

The thing about this whole incident strikes me about the difference between how parents treat their children. When I was a kid, if the teacher punishes me and my parents know about it, I would be punished again. In this generation, if a teacher punishes a child, the parent might go confront the teacher!

Regardless, the parent eventually did not complain or said anything. However, the news of the exchange somehow reached the ears of the teacher. This lead to a message from the form teacher to us to that if there were any unhappiness, they should just feedback to her directly. I think that is the best avenue. Why are we teaching our children that if anything goes wrong, we go immediately to the authorities?

I would like to recount a real life story about this boy in one of my previous schools. Since primary school, he had been misbehaving. His discipline record was full of comments and remarks. However, his mother had been protecting him and did not allow any serious punishment to be meted out to him. I think over the years, the teachers just left him alone as long as he did not harm any of his classmates. When he reached secondary school, he behaved in the same way. Just like the teachers in primary school, the teachers in my school realised that no matter what they tried to do to discipline him and make him learn, his mother would charge into the school and bang the principal's table. This behaviour finally changed when he strangled a relief teacher. Only then did the mother took him out of the school, got him thoroughly diagnosed (he apparently needed medication to achieve self-control). He was then enrolled in another school known for children who needed more time to learn. I heard a few years ago that one of his classmate who still kept in touch with the teachers bumped into him. He had completely changed and was a polite and well-behaved young man.

One of the discipline teachers I worked with before used to share with me - discipline with love. Is calling the child 'blind' correct? Not really. Does it hurt his self-esteem? Very unlikely, given the fact that it was a once off thing. Does the teacher want to point out the student's mistakes and help him learn? Yes. You see if a teacher has given up on you, he will not bother to talk to the child and chances are, he would not even bother to waste his energy punishing him. So, if your child gets 'verbal abuse', I hope all parents step back and think about whether a complaint is justified.